100% old and retarded...

Old people at Costco. Holy Crap!

Damn pharmacies and parents who shouldn't be parents...

The other night I took Averi into the WeeCare facility as she was complaining about a sore throat and earache. She had an ear infection and we were given a Rx. I took Averi home and began my journey to get the Rx filled. I ran to Smith's and arrived at 9:55 (5 minutes before closing). As I walked in the direction I noticed the gates shut. They had closed 5 minutes early. I asked them what time they closed and the said 10 o'clock. I basically called them liars and that they should change their sign to 9:55.

So I ran to Walgreens in Kaysville and they were closed, Albertsons....closed. So back to Layton to visit the 24 hours Walgreens.

By this time it was nearing 10:45pm. I dropped of the Rx and waited. It was at this time I became aware of all the kids walking around with their parents. Most of the kids were dressed poorly (pajamas, no shoes, t-shirts, shorts etc.) and looked like they had been dragged around all day, now just waiting to go home. Keep in mind it was almost 11:00! My kids had been asleep for nearly 3 hours at this point. As I checked out most of these people were checking out as well with their US Magazine, 2-liter Shasta bottles, and cartons of cigarettes. I noticed one poor boy getting into the car in the parking lot. He didn't seem too happy, was arguing with his mom and grandma and finally got in the car. Before they pulled away both Mom and Grandma lighted up their 'cancer sticks' as the poor kid inhaled it all the way home.

What the hell!? For those families I saw with no home or unemployed..I'm sorry. For the moms/dads who needed their Us Magazines and cigarettes and dragged their kids all around town...you're 100% retarded.

Note to self....never foget your camera for the Utah vs. byu game.

Wow..what a Saturday evening. First Utah was awesome. I was a wreck all week but woke up Saturday morning with a pretty good feeling. I thought it would be closer than it turned out to be but had a good feeling Utah would win going away. There were a few things that confirmed to me that Utah would win. First, Alex Smith was in the house and gave us a "Go Utes!" as he worked his way down the isle (needed a camera). Second, the byu 'whities' from Utah county weren't able to celebrate their 'heritage' by performing the Haka dance. Utah (specifically Slyvester Stevenson) made sure to wonder over as they were assuming position and put an end to that nonsense. The ensuing scuffle added to the excitement. Third the first series of the game Utah throws a swing pass to their WR. He puts one move on byu's cornerback and pretty much breaks his ankles. I knew they wouldn't be able to stop us.






Now on a side note I've got to discuss the Utah county invasion on Rice Eccles this year. Holy crap...when did Vanilla Ice have 2000-tuplets? Either that or Utah county has a Compton that non of us know about. I have never seen so many people trying to look the exact same (needed camera especially at this time). From the time we entered the stadium and made our way to our seats my Bro and I couldn't stop pointing people out to each other. So many white, goofy wannabe gangsters that it was comical. I wonder the next day when they go to church if the just wear their tie sideways/crooked or what. Seriously, I considered skipping the game and sitting outside and people watching. I will make this promise right now...I will never forget my camera when attending anything byu related for as long as I live.

It was a great day. Utah goes 12-0 during byu's dream year. byu goes 10-2 during their Quest for Perfection season. Utah goes to its 2nd BCS game before byu sniffs a chance. Max "Heisman Contender" Hall throws 5 interceptions and is responsible for 6 total turnovers. Bronco "Boring as Hell" Mendenhall gets 6 months to think of next years slogan that will ultimately bite them in the ass. Max Hall will have plenty of spare time on January 1st to watch 'The Office'!

Greg Wrubell (the ultimate zoobie homer) points out:

"Bronco is now 1-8 v. ranked teams, and BYU has now lost 20 of its last 21 games to teams that were ranked at either the time of the meeting or at the end of the season in which they met.

After nights like last night, the popular "big picture" question becomes whether BYU can consistently compete with and beat the best teams in the country. It's true that BYU did so in the pre-BCS days of the 80s and early-to-mid 90s, but since 1999, BYU has exactly one such win to show for itself (at TCU in 2006).

Utah meantime, has won 6 of its last 8 versus ranked teams, and is now 6-0 alltime when both the Utes and their opponents are ranked."

All we hear between February and November is talk, talk, talk about their greatness. But as shown above, the stats are pretty telling. Please shut the hell up until after you accomplish something extraordinary. That is all.

Now we have more issues...

I usually averaged one post a week but this week it's just been too easy. Seriously...with this many retarded people out there I could post every hour these days.

First you've got the new president, then you've got the gays losing and whining, then you've got the gays mailing crap to the Mormons. Now this:

I'm wondering now that they've outlawed gays from adopting in Arkansas, maybe they can just move to NE and hang out at the hospital! When will it end people?

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/11/14/nebraska.safe.haven/index.html

Stop whining!

"I hate it when others win. I hate it when I lose. I hate it when people do a good job. In fact, I hate it when they are more effective than me. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it! You know what, I'm going to fix this right here and now. This will be the last time the ever try to one-up me! (sniffle, sniffle)."

Man up......nooooo.....Quit acting like a little girl...uhh...I mean...don't get your panites in a bunch....wait....uhhh....forget it!

http://www.sltrib.com/ci_10975443

I thought I'd seen it all! How desperate can you get. This will soooo help their cause. I'm sure they don't know how far they'll get with this. I'd bet there will be an automatic re-vote tomorrow. This time maybe they'll bet shut out completely. What the hell!

http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=4787495

The end is near...

Amazing the backward way they go about fighting for freedom of expression. "Give us our freedom! (but in the meantime don't you dare speak up with your opinion)." Huh?

And why are they targeting only one organization out of the many who spoke out? I probably have an idea.

http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=6238226&page=1

Politics and California...

So we have a new president that may have been a terrorist in a past life. I'm okay with it. It is what it is. I have totally accepted it. I'm just not sure that Allie has. I mentioned to Allie that she better go get some cloth to wear over her face. Also get used to staying in the home cooking me dinner while I police the street with my new AK-47. All the while I holler nonsense around the neighborhood at the top of my lungs! However I hope they don't publicize the ballots or I might be on the wrong side of things. By the way...my cool beard is coming along slowly but surely.

So, I recently took a trip to CA with my family (family meaning a female wife and three kids). I know that I saw some retarded people but had no idea that 48% of them were actually retarded as proven by the Prop 8 vote last night. Holy crap what is this coming to? I take a sigh of relief as with 95% reporting it looks like Prop 8 will pass.

Marriage - noun - /ˈmærɪdʒ/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [mar-ij] - the social institution under which a man and woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife by legal commitments, religious ceremonies, etc.

As I thought about it...here is the problem. They are trying to redefine a word. And not just some word that nobody cares about. The are trying to redefine 'marriage'. This word is a real hot button across this country and that is never going to fly. If those idiots have learned anything from politics it's that if you want something controversial passed, you have to fly under the radar. And as we all know...redefining 'marriage' puts a lot of people into action.

Now I'm not trying to be the "Say no to Prop 8" campaign manager but I'll give them a little hint. Try to redefine some other word that doesn't get so many people riled up. Pick some other word that doesn't get a reaction, push 'marriage' to the side. Try changing definitions to other words...for example:

Wrong - adj- [rawng, rong]
1. not in accordance with what is morally right
2. deviating from truth or fact
3. out of order; awry; amiss
3. Gay marriage

Gross - —Verb phrase
1. To disgust or offend
2. to shock or horrify
3. Gay marriage

See what I mean. I totally thing they will have much more success flying under the radar and redefining other words rather than 'marriage' that get so many people hot under the collar.
Look for this to pass in 2012.

What in the name of all that is good and....?

The first 3 seconds that I looked at this I thought it was fake.

Then the last 32 years of my life flashed before me; Every zoob encounter I've had. Each trip to Utah County. Each Utah/byu game. Every Bronco Mendenhall interview. And every August when these people come out of their cellars in their mighty glory, sounding their national championship trumpets, only to return a few weeks later after yet another tough agonizing loss when forced to play a real team.

After all of this, I've come to realize that unfortunately this is the real deal.

1000% completely, absolutely, without doubt retarded (poor kids).

(I'm gladly accepting any comments on this one...I'd love to hear what people have to say about this masterpiece. Similar pictures? Experiences? Friends..err...aquaintences?)

Who the hell likes soggy food?

So the other day I was out to dinner with the family and ordered a quesadilla. It sounded good and it was good, after I removed the soggy side of the tortilla! I think they forgot to turn if over and toast the other side! There is nothing that sicks me out more than soggy bread.

For example...there is nothing better in this world than a pastrami burger from Crown Burger. Because there is not a Crown Burger close to home or work I have to rely on the knock-off chains like Astro Burger, Atlantis Burger or Best Burger. It drives me nuts as I see them prepare the food. They get out the bun and the first thing they do is put the wet lettuce on it and let it soak the bun as the burger cooks. What he hell? They put the burger on it and by the time I get to my table and unwrap my lunch I've got a pastrami casserole. It completely sucks!

Have you ever seen a guy downing a large Coke, large fry and a pastrami burger with no bun. Yeah, that's me and I look like I'm trying to watch myself and cut carbs!?!

They are 50% retarded for making me look retarded!

Old people suck!

What the hell is up with old people operating vehicles?

The other day I was driving south on State Street right in front of the Fashion Place Mall. Next thing I know, out of the corner of my eye I see a mini-van turning left out of the mall, across three lanes of traffic. No, she didn't pull into the left lane, she continued all the way across three lanes of traffic and nearly ran me right through the front door of Golf Galaxy. As I looked in my rear view mirror what do I see? Some blue-hair lady that's probably 193 years old who can't see over her steering wheel. The second thing I saw...yep, a retard pass hanging from her mirror.
So, this one is an easy call:

100% retarded cause she has a pass telling everyone so.

Also, has anyone driven in Bountiful lately? Holy hell I swear it takes me an extra 10 minutes to get through that town these days. I'd put money down that over 80% of drivers in that city are over 142 years old. It takes forever to weave through Beatrice and Stella at 3:30pm their way to Cafe Alicia's for their daily supper. I thought there were a lot of old people when during my teenage years but Bountiful is the new Florida for all I know. Now that 5 points (the old raging mall) is gone I'd hate to try to find a place to walk at that new Rec Center at 3:30am.

What the hell is up with the Cougs?

Come on...after the past 3 months of talk, talk, talk, talk, talk and more talk I really thought that the Utes were going to be able to play you for the BCS invitation at the end of the year. I mean sure, the Utes need to get there themselves but I could have sworn that the Cougs were already there waiting for us. Man, there goes the epic game to end the year. Thanks a lot!

(However, I'm sure there will be more talk, talk, talk and more talk after they win their next game and start a new undefeated streak!)

Retarded scale:

BYU: Definitely 100% retarded

According to the poll on the right...

The weasel will win and the loser is going to blow something up!

We're all screwed.

Saving the Planet is a pain in the ass!

What the hell is up with UTA? Has anyone ever had a fluid, easy, relaxing, FAST trip on anything related to the Utah Transit Authority? Let me give you some background...

Before Clara was born the new Frontrunner opened. I was a little excited as the Farmington Station is about 2 miles from my home. There is also a Trax station about 1.5 miles away from my work. While I need my car for my job I could just leave it at work each night. So I thought I'd join those fanatical enviro's and go green for a while (plus my work pays half of the public transportation fare). I tried it a few times and going to work (Frontrunner to downtown, trax to Murray, and bus to work) wasn't so bad as long as Allie could drive me to Frontrunner in the mornings.

Coming home was a different story (Bus to Trax, Trax to Downtown, Frontrunner home). I waited for the bus which was supposed to come every 15 minutes for 25 minutes. This should have allowed two different buses to come but none did. Upon crossing the street back to work I looked behind me and there went the damn bus! What the hell? You want people to use this right? So I hopped in my car and drove home at 80 mph and let my car idle as long as possible just to pay back the environment for wasting my time.

I tried biking the last leg of the journey and that sucked even more. I had to stand the entire hour with the other 20 people with bikes (they must have waited for buses in the past as well). And the driver let me know that in the future that if there were already 2 bikes on Trax, I had to wait for the next train. What the hell? Just get a bigger train. You want people to use this thing right?

These days Allie is unable to drive me as Clara is asleep most mornings. I got some crazy idea that maybe there is a bus that could get me from my house to the Frontrunner. So I used the nice little tool on the UTA website that creates the fastest route from point A to point B. After typing in my address it said that I could get to Frontrunner in 45 minutes (2 miles!). What the hell? You want people to use this right?

So, I've decided that going green sucks and I'll let my kids deal with it. It's a waste of time and effort. Now that Legacy is open I'm 80mph to work anyway.

By the way I had a nice conversation with a client and fried of mine who is in the trucking, development business. He said that Frontrunner cost about $611 million and has taken about 9,000 people off of the road daily. According to statistics, one extra lane on the highway can a hold a minimum of 25,000. Looks to me like it's not only a waste of time and effort, but a waste of money as well. Chooo Chooo this!!!!

Retard Factor:
100% retarded to whoever tried to coordinate the bus, trax and frontrunner schedules and has made it impossible for me to use with any sort of convenience.

Welcome (all of you)..

As we all know, Allie always has the best intentions. However due to some miscommunication (give us a break, we haven't even been married for 10 years yet!) I didn't know Allie was sending an email to a lot of people regarding the blog. When I realized she had sent an email I didn't think it was a good idea. You see, there are people who tend not to get my sarcastic nature and sense of humor. So, in turn there would be some people who would not find some of the things posted here enjoyable. Maybe...maybe not. I thought it might be better avoid any type of awkward conversation that may arise from those who take a look and think I'm the devil..."he is....he is the Devil!" (The Office anyone?)

So, I'll continue posting about what pisses me off and about other retarded people. As for any type of discussion I'm pretty sure it's not necessary. I know what I'm talking about and am pretty sure I'm right.

P.S. I use the word retard pretty loosely. Retard to me means someone who, by their own decision, is a dumbass.

Politicians?

What the hell is up with Obama and McCain? Was the debate last night completely worthless or what? Isn't every single debate worthless? Who do you believe? All they do is call each other liars. It reminds me of a couple of 8 year olds arguing over who said what to whom about the others best friends sister on the playground after lunch.

Yeah, Obama gets millions from shady bank deals and looks like a kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar as he tries to backtrack statements and smooth-talk his way to another subject. McCain on the other hand looks like an idiot every time he tries to jab Obama and needs to let the "reach across party lines" line have a rest. Also, figure out how to laugh without reminding me of the weasel exibit at the zoo.

What about someone who will stand up and tell it like it is? What about the guy who'll just say that he'll bomb the Pakistan border until no living thing can crawl out of those caves to make sure the terrorists are dead. How about saying that even although we can't do it, bombing the entire country of Iran may solve a lot of problems. How bout keeping taxes the same for everyone...yes everyone...whether you make $300k, $200K or are the guy making $10K while working at 7-11, wearing girls pants and having tattoos all over your body (see last post). Why should that guy pay a smaller % than the guy who took out student loans, worked hard, made a lot of money and has become a contributing member of society?

No more talking out of both ends, quit bashing the other guy and mixing facts to try to put yourself above the other guy. Give me some information as to where your values are (abortion, gay marriage, welfare etc.) and I'll make my call. All other things will probably fall in line anyway. If anyone has any ideas on how to get the truth (the actual, real, 100% truth) as to where these guys stand, I'm all ears. Serisously...I want info.

Retard factor:
McCain - 50% retarded
Obama - 51% retarded (cause he hangs with terrorists).

Teenagers these days?

What the hell is up with boys wearing girl pants? I know that being gay these days is a cool fad and a nice way to get attention but come on...don't make it so obvious. (However if I wore pants that tight I'd be close to going the other way as well).

Do they realize how retarded they look? I mean they already look completely worthless spending their days in the K-Mart parking lot practicing their 'Ollies' or however else they flip the board into the air and try to land on top.

And how do their girlfriends feel about sharing clothing? Being a guy, I obviously didn't get into the whole sharing clothes thing but remember it happening between the girls I knew. I guess it's a good way to save money between a couple. Hell, half these kids have their fingernails painted as well so let's just open up the entire closet. It used to really bug me when I'd see those kids wearing the baggy pants that hung down around their thighs, but I'll take that any day....at least they bought those in the little boys section instead of 579 (yeah, I've been to the mall w/ my sister when I was younger).

Add to the little girl pants the crazy earrings that stretch their earlobes, the tattoo on their face and piercings and they've completely trashed any thought of being a worthwhile member of society for their lifetime. Which is why I'm splitting the retard percentage on this one:

95% retarded to those with all of the tattoos, piercings etc. I didn't go the full 100% because this kid may be able to fix the Slurpee machine for me one day.

70% retarded for the kid who simply has a hard time finding friends and has to wear the pants to fit into a group. He'll never get his teenage years back but one day he may realize the error of his ways, buy some boy pants and spend some time trying to figure out when he became a chick!

What the....?

My last post 5 minutes ago got me thinking and I have have a list in my head of 20 things I need to post. I've also gotten so excited about getting this stuff off of my chest I had to take a pee...and I came back from the bathroom with 5 new things! I must pace myself....


What the hell is up with people giving "the bird"? I tried to think of the last time I gave someone the bird and honestly..I know it was elementary school but can't remember if it was in 1st grade when my middle finger got long enough to be recognized as being bigger than the other three or 3rd grade when I saw someone give the double-handed bird with your arms crossed (yeah...I grew up in a rough part of West Valley which will in future posts be know as "The Hood").

Last night I was at the Utah football game and stopped by the tailgate. A friend of ours had to drop someone off so he left in his car while another friend stood in the parking stall for 5 minutes until friend #1 returned. Meanwhile some hillbilly guy who looked about 3/4 retarded pulled up, muttered a few words and then gave 'the bird'. I though to myself...you just jumped from 75%retarded to about 80% when you could have just yelled at us and kept yourself at the 75% mark.

Instead of the bird...why not just shout someone down and tell them how you really feel. Don't leave it up to us to interpret the actual meaning of the bird.

That felt good...stay tuned for more to come.

I'm now headed in a different direction...

I used to use this blog as a motivation tool. I realized that didn't work about a while back so I'm done. No more motivation for me. I don't need it.

So now it's the "What the ....?" blog. Most know I'm kind of an ornery guy. In fact I've mentioned to Allie that when I'm old I'd like to be the guy in the neighborhood that kids are afraid of and won't walk in front of my house. They'll rather cross the street with their bikes, then back to the other side after they're clear of sight.

Most of you also know that lots of stuff drives me nuts on a daily basis. Because of this...I will most likely be that crazy old guy. So, from now on this is the 'What the....?" blog. Stay tuned for lots of crazy $#*! that I see on a daily basis that I need to get off my chest.

Clara "The Wrench" Short

I'd include a picture but my work computer is a little sensitive and I'm having no luck.
We welcomed Clara to our home on 5/27/08. She is doing well and for more info and
pictures please visit Allie's blog (link to the right).

The issue is that "The Wrench" was thrown into the Xterra training and over the last two weeks the training has been pretty absent. Throw in the fact that by this time last year I'd been mountain biking almost a dozen times and been in the pool at least 5-6 times. This year the weather sucks, the pool is cold (or even closed), and the snow on the mtn. bike trail had just thawed prior to Clara's arrival which means my bike still hangs from the garage ceiling.

So...I've decided that this isn't the year for Xterra. I'm about a month behind schedule and based on my first Xterra race I have a pretty good idea as to the type of day I would have if I attempted to still make the 8/16 race day. So, my record time will have to wait until 2009.

Meanwhile I'm now focused on the Ogden Triathlon taking place on September 13, 2008. The timing is good and it takes place on my 'home lake'. I feel like I know Pineview like the back of my hand. Every time I put my head in the water I feel right at home and can describe it perfectly. It's wet....about 67 degrees and the only thing that you can see is a dark brown/black color (basically nothing). If fact, just describing it makes me have to visit the bathroom.

So, I'll give the flat triathlons a try and see how they compare to the ridiculous 12 mile climbs and trails runs of Xterra.

I need to get off my ass!

That is all.

Mtn. Biking vs. Road Biking

There is a bit of a difference between biking on the rugged mountain and biking on the smooth pavement. There is the fresh air of the mountain vs. the smell of exhaust fumes. The burning of your legs as you reach the peak of a climb vs. the rush of wind in your hair (your hair...not mine). The dodging of pine trees vs the dodging of Davis High School drivers education class.

There are a lot of differences and it basically comes down to a few pictures. I clicked a few pictures on my ride this evening and compared it to one that I took last June. Enjoy and see if you can spot the difference.

Versus

Excited?

On August 19th, 2007, about 10:30am I was busting my ass up a trail after just swimming and biking 12 miles climbing over 2000 feet. I never thought the info posted below would ever be tempting again. But as I sit today I can't wait for August 16th 2008!

By the way...I'm still waiting for someone to join me. I'm open to any takers.

SWIM
The race begins with a 1500-meter swim (750 for Sport) in Pineview Reservoir, where water temps hover near the "wetsuit-required" range. A final determination will be made on-site and posted at the registration tent.

MOUNTAIN BIKE
Racers leave T1 and head west toward Ogden Canyon for the 30K mountain bike (19K for Sport). Mild, steady climbs warm up the legs for more demanding climbs on the first half of the bike leg. A blend of single track and rocky double track will test your bike skills. Make your move soon, because there's a lot of single track ahead. Turn left near Pineview Dam on to Wheeler Creek Trail heading south. Single track dominates the next ten miles of trail. Course elevation climbs to 7,000 feet during the bike leg and takes just one downhill break at about the halfway point. The descent brings you down 550 feet in elevation over a mile and a half. It's a great time to breathe deep and catch a second wind. The final four miles climb back up to about 6,700 feet to T2.

TRAIL RUN
Get ready for more climbing! If you can take your eyes off the trail ahead (and take your mind off the burning in your legs), you'll be treated to a scenic horizon dominated by towering aspens. Take a deep breath and take it all in. You'll need it for the next section of the run. Halfway through the run is the highest point on the entire course at about 7,500 feet. We'll bring you back down to the race compound and through to the finish at Snowbasin.

Enough already!

Ok...here we go. I've had enought of the sitting around, watching it snow only to wake up the next day and have it snow some more. It's supposed to get to the mid to upper 40's this weekend and here is where it begins.

What better way to celebrate Lilia's birthday on August 16, 2008 than getting my ass kicked for 3 hours (hopefully less than 3 hours this year). I can't wait! A few issues may arise this year but I'm determined to overcome. The thing I worry about most is the sleep factor come Mid-June. That's when little - Bailey - Anna -Amber - Brielle - Daphne - Butch or whatever we end up calling her will be with us. Thinking back 5 years ago as well as 2.5 years ago those first few months of a new baby can be hell on the sleep cycle. I'm hoping that if I can be in decent shape at that point I can hang on for a couple of months and break the 3 hr mark.

Although I can't promise anything I hope to have some entertaining stories this time around. Last year was hit and miss depending on who accompanied me on some of my treks. I'm sure that will have an impact this year. Also this year I'll have a road bike to train on so I'll get out a little further to some different areas that could make for some good tales. I'll have a camera in tow and I'll see what I can do.

What's up?

Here is a good picture of Lily and I after our first and only run down the hill on our newly purchased plastic sled. The powder few into her face as I ducked behind her to take cover! She was a little shocked and didn't really know what to think. She spend the next hour just eating snow. Averi ended up taking three runs which is three more than I thought she'd take.

Been a little while...not a whole lot going on that worth wasting others time for. Now that I'm back to being a fatty again I should have some good stuff for everyone as I work myself back into the 100's. For Christmas Santa brought me another piece of equipment that could lead to some interesting stories for everyone. I'm a little worried because on the other bike it's stories of deer, pine trees and those damned switchbacks! Now I may have some with street lights, dump trucks and please no storm drains! Anyway, I think that I'm still over a month away from getting out on this beauty so until then.....uhh...just wait.